Bisig

Disclaimer: Whoever read this, please skip this post since it's just my own personal and unimportant event for you (possibly, but not for me).

It's April 14th and I thought you forgot already. I deliberately didn't greet you since I was hoping that you remember it by yourself. Imagined my shock when I received your message maybe three hours before the date of the calendar changes. A little chit chat and those apologies that you are gone for how many days I don't want to count. Almost an hour after, the topic has gone to the secret since January this year I avoided to tell you.. Since you are too makulit and I knew that you are just worried about me (I assumed) that's why I disclosed it to you. Why the heartbreaking moments where I am so close of getting hurt suddenly became the most precious conversation I got with you. 😊

I told you that "If I could just print and frame your words, I would". That's why before all I could erase those messages in my phone, I want to save them here and read them all over again once I needed them. I appreciate all of those words you have given me. Thank you and I hope you are not mad at me for writing them here.

I wrote below words from you literally on a sticky note and put them in front of my vanity mirror for me to remember them and how you put all your effort in reminding me that you're just there. Not physically present, but still you're there:

"Kung masasaktan ka na, or may masasaktan ka, umilag ka.

Wag mong salubungin ang saksak ng tadhana."

"Mas pinili kong gawin kung ano ang dapat kesa sa bugso ng damdamin. Minsan kasi we can't have it all at may mga pangyayari talagang dapat mamili tayo kung ano ang pwede mong gawin. It's either masaktan ka ng konti or masaktan ka ng todo. At the end of the day, nasaktan ka pa rin but we should also learn how to stand up and learn from experiences in the past. Normal masaktan dahil mahal/minamahal mo siya."

"Don't feel bad. What's bad in trying diba? We can't unloved the people we have feelings for.

Yung love di mawawala yan pero yung level ng love pwedeng bawasan."

"Normal lang yan kasi nagmahal ka. We are only hurt by the love we are expecting to receive."

"Pangalawa, may makakamiss sa'yo. Pangatlo, mamimiss kita.

"Hindi masama na minsan mauna ang sariling kaligayahan. We need more of that. Kaya I love myself more than anybody else. :)"" For now let it hurt. Until it hurts no more."

" Stop fantasizing, it's time to think about real things."

" Chill lang.. Wag masyado isipin ang mga bagay bagay. Overthinking kills."

"Pero seryoso. I know you could do better than that 😉"

"I know you're not pa. But I know someday you will.. Someday 😉"

"Sooner or later, malalaman mo you're all over him at matatawa ka nalang sa lahat :) Yung love di na kasi yan mawawala. Pero yung level ng love na ibibigay mo, yun pwedeng magbago."

"Alagaan ang puso :) Utak pairalin muna."

"Wala ka problema sa ulo turo sa puso yan yung pagsabihan mo."

"Alam mo na dapat gawin mo. Ayaw mo lang gawin."

"Lahat may tamang panahon."

"Walang iyak. Walang iiyak. Papanget."

I took those words with all of my heart and promised you to apply them sooner. But what made my heart flutter is those paningit moments we had during the conversation. How I literally giggle kapag nakakaisang reply palang ako pero limang sunod sunod na mensahe na ang pumapasok sa phone ko. Hindi ko alam kung naka plan at naka unli ka lang o talagang gusto mo ako sermunan o namiss mo lang talaga ako. How it made me happy and excited seeing your *wink* and I've realized I've missed Mr. Chinito -_- too. When you know that I am not really okay and when I ask you, how did you know, you simply said "Because I know you well". When you tried to lighten up the mood by sending me the lyrics, Ikaw parin ang hanap hanap parapa...🎶. How you are worried about me just by saying "Psst.. cheer up na please" plus those emoji's I can't see since I am using a jurassic old phone. The knock knock jokes, but with your own monologue version. Your cuteness when you saw my 'hahaha' as a reply. The banat na havey. It brings smile and tears all the same time on my face. With that, I am sure, I know, you're there. Yung mga nakaka tearjerky mo na statements na you are sad knowing na nasasaktan na ako at madami na pala akong dapat isumbong kaya lang wala ka and the "Always ready for you, *insert your endearment for me*". The "I guess it's clear that I am saying the obvious and paulit ulit ko ipapremind sayo. Syempre naman. Ikaw pa ba. 😉". I thought it ended there, then I received your good morning message early the next day, it made me smile again. I just can't believe that convo happened with almost 3 -4 hours lang but I do appreciate it. You will always be my bisig.. my VSF. my sumbungan. Thank you for standing by for me even with a complicated way of how I met you.